SOCIAL
SKILLS
Using proper etiquette in everyday
life and on special occasions is like
more of a social must than a matter
of personal choice, to get along.
SOCIAL SKILLS
SOCIALIZATION
POLISHED SOCIAL SKILLS
DIPLOMACY
PREREQUISITES BASIC
DISCIPLINARY
SKILLS IN CLASSROOM
SELF-ESTEEM
SKILLS WITH PEERS
SKILLS WITH ADULTS
PREVOCATION SKILLS
MAIN SOCIAL SKILLS
SOCIAL SKILLS FACTS
SOCIAL SKILLS DIFFICULTIES
TYPICAL TRAINING METHODS
TYPICAL TRAINING METHODS LINKS
TABLE MANNERS
THEATER ETIQUETTE TIPS
DINING SKILLS TIPS
TEACHING SOCIAL SKILLS
PRINCIPLES
SOCIAL SKILLS LINKS
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SECTION 1
SOCIAL
SKILLS
Social skills are those skills
social animals uses to interact
and communicate with others to
assist status in the social
structure and other motivations.
Social rules and social relations
are created, communicated, and
changed in verbal and nonverbal
ways creating social complexity
useful in identifying outsiders
and intelligent breeding partners.
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SECTION 2
SOCIALIZATION
The process of learning
these skills is called
socialization.
SOCIALIZATION
Examples:
Verbal communication,
Small talk or
conversation,
Sharing Jokes,
Sharing and discussing
ideas such as politics,
religion, sports, music,
fashion, and movies are
all common topics,
Teaching or learning
Nonverbal communication,
Active listening,
Body language,
Both verbal and nonverbal,
Conflict resolution,
Intercultural relations.
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SECTION 3
POLISHED
SOCIAL
SKILLS
POLISHED
SOCIAL
SKILLS
Properties
of polished
social skills,
Basic:
Verbal,
Smoothness of delivery
(lacks stuttering,
awkward pauses, etc.)
Intelligible speech,
(not too loud or soft,
avoiding monotone but
not dropping off the
end of sentences)
Using muscle words to
help describe ideas
in conversation,
Variable Tone,
(avoid Monotonous tone)
Ask Open ended
Questions,
Non-Verbal,
Active Listening,
Confident stance,
(standing up straight
but not at attention)
Relaxed manner,
(not too tense,
not falling asleep)
Body Language in sync
with the verbal message,
Lean forward
while talking,
Open Stance,
(No close hands)
Touching converstaion
partner,
(use it according to
the enviornment as
can be misinterpreted)
Smile,
(Dont overdo it)
Remember & Use names
during the conversation.
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SECTION 4
DIPLOMACY
Diplomacy is an important skill (disagreements
will happen, how one handles them will show
one's personality).
Ability to feign interest.
Treat your conversation partner as your
Best Friend.
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SECTION 4A
PREREQUISITIES
BASICS
1. Prerequisites:
Basic
. Accepting Criticism
. Accepting "No"
. American Table Manners
. Apologizing
. Dealing with Fear
. Expressing Feelings
. Following Directions
. Introducing Yourself
. Passing in Hallways
. Proximity
. Reading Body Language
. Showing Respect
. Solving a Problem
. Talking With Others
. The Most Magical Words
. Using Humor
. Waiting Your Turn
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SECTION 4B
DISCIPLINARY
. Accepting Consequences
. Children's Rights
. Controlling Anger
. Dominance & Submission
. Following Rules
. Good Sportsmanship
. Learning to Disagree
. Responding to Defeat
. Using Self-Control
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SECTION 4C
SKILLS
IN
CLASSROOM
.Adhering to Dress Codes
. Appropriate Language
. Asking Questions
. Being on Time
. Brainstorming
. Complying with Requests
. Getting Teacher's Attention
. Ignoring Distractions
. Listening to Others
. Netiquette
. Being in a Group Discussion
. Resisting Peer Pressure
. Setting Goals
. Staying on Task
. Tolerance of Differences
. Willingness to Try New Tasks
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SECTION 4D
SELF-ESTEEM
. Accepting Compliments
. Changes in Adolescence
. Exchanging Gifts
. Expressing Success
. Giving Compliments
. Handling Embarrassment
. Helping Others
. Knowing Strengths
. Self-Defense
. Self-Improvement
. Trigger Points & Buttons
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SECTION 4E
SKILLS
WITH
PEERS
. Accepting an Apology
. Arguing Respectfully
. Asking a Favor
. Being a Good Listener
. Conflict Resolution
. Conversational Skills
. Dealing with Bullying
. Declining an Invitation
. Expressing Empathy
. Expressing Grief
. Get Someone's Attention
. Interrupting
. Maintaining Friendships
. Making New Friends
. Media Models
. Offering Assistance
. Reacting to Rumors
. Refusing Requests
. Responding to Prejudice
. Responding to Teasin
. Showing Appreciation
. Teen Violence
. Visiting a Sick Friend
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SECTION 4F
SKILLS
WITH
ADULTS
.Accepting Disciplinary Actions
. Completing Agreements
. Determining Time for a Request
. Following Safety Rules
. Following Verbal Directions
. Greeting a Dog and Its Owner
. Making a Suggestion
. Reporting Emergencies
. Reporting Inappropriate Actions
. Shopping
. Showing Respectful Submission
. Theater Behavior
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SECTION 4G
PREVOCATION
SKILLS
. Doorway Etiquette
. Interacting with Opposite Sex
. Internet Safety & Courtesy
. Interviewing Skills
. Introducing Others
. Introducing Yourself
. Making An Appointment
. Managing An Angry Person
. Personal Hygiene
. Professional Conduct
. Relaxation Strategies
. Riding an Elevator
. Telephone Etiquette
. Volunteering
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SECTION 5
MAIN
SOCIAL
SKILLS
The main social skills
are as follows:
1) The ability to remain
relaxed, or at a tolerable
level of anxiety while in
social situations.
2) Listening skills,
including letting others
know you are listening.
3) Empathy with and
interest in others'
situations.
4) The ability to
build rapport, whether
natural or learned.
5) Knowing how, when
and how much to talk
about yourself,
'self disclosure'
6) Appropriate eye contact.
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SECTION 6
SOCIAL
SKILL
FACTS
Some Facts
Psychologists
Know About
SOCIAL SKILLS:
Rewarding and enjoyable
communication between
people is one of the
most important components
of life.
What are social skills?
Person to person
communication
that involves:
giving,
receiving,
interpreting messages.
They are primarily developed
through learning.
In addition to the goals and
messages a person wishes to
convey, the interaction will
depend upon the particular
situation he/she is in, as
well as aspects of his/her
personality, past experiences,
what he/she sees in the other
person and the consequent
impression arrived at.
Includes detailed verbal
(semantic content of speech,
the words and sentences) and
nonverbal or paraverbal
behavior (posture, use of eyes,
tone of voice, and facial
expressions).
Influenced by the person's culture
and the particular social group
he/she belongs to.
Increases with social reinforcement
from others. Such rewards might
include being pleased, intrigued,
calmed, or motivated in the presence
of others, which usually results in
increased self-esteem and worth.
Are mutually interactive in nature,
and require appropriate timing and
reciprocity of specific behaviors.
Reflect environmental factors that
include age, sex, and status of the
other person.
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SECTION 7
SOCIAL
SKILLS
DIFFICULTIES
Developing appropriate social
behavior may be impaired for
various reason such as:
Inappropriate or lack
of adequate models.
Failure to be provided
with the learning
opportunities.
Periods of emotional
disturbances that
interfere with or
impair social skills.
A failure to learn
adequate social
skills can lead to
feelings of isolation,
loneliness, rejection,
and poor self-esteem.
Psychological problems,
that can be both the
cause and effect, such
as depression, anxiety,
sexual dysfunctions,
aggression, and suicidal
attempts are common.
The severity of the social
impairment varies more from
person to person than from
one situation to the next.
In one person, the problems
may be poor eye contact,
with another, it may include
every aspect of verbal and
nonverbal behavior.
These problems are usually
seen in most or all social
situations.
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SECTION 8
TYPICAL
TRAINING
METHODS
Role-playing:
after receiving verbal instruction
by a role model, you act out brief
real-life situations you have
encountered in your own
environment.
Warm-up Exercises:
this technique is designed to allow
you to exercise and practice the
different aspects of behavior being
trained in the session but they do
not usually include real-life
situations.
Modeling:
the trainer is used as a model in
hopes of demonstrating appropriate
behavior for you.
Homework Assignments:
gives you an opportunity to try out
newly learned behavior in real-life
situations you encounter which are
likely to produce rewarding
consequences.
Instruction:
you are taught different behaviors
in detail and you learn the
importance of their use in social
situations.
Reinforcement:
skills that you have learned through
verbal instruction and modeling are
pleasantly shaped through some
form of reinforcement.
Source:
The University of Cincinnati
Psychological Services Center,
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SECTION 8A
TYPICAL
TRAINING
METHODS
LINKS
Campus Blues.com
http://www.campusblues.com/
chateau meddybemps
http://www.meddybemps.com/
Family Village
http://www.familyvillage.wisc.edu/
National Association of
School Psychologists
http://www.nasponline.org/
National Network for
Child Care's
http://www.nncc.org/
Tinsnips
http://www.tinsnips.org/
Uncommon Knowledge
http://www.self-confidence.co.uk/
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SECTION 9
TABLE
MANNERS
“Good manners and proper
etiquette are at the very
core of how we communicate
with one another,”
“We need to develop and
reinforce those essential
courtesies that make our
relationships strong,
valuable and long-lasting.”
1. Turn the cell phone off,
completely during a luncheon
meeting, social function, or
on public transportation.
2. Hold the door whether male
or female, hold open a door
you have just passed through
for the person behind you.
3. Bring a gift for the hostess
preferably one that doesn’t
require her to drop everything
she is doing.
4. Keep to the right on the
sidewalk, in stairwells.
5. Say please and thank you to
waiters, flight attendants,
store clerks, cab drivers the
little things go a long way.
6. Circulate at a party or
social gathering whether
hostess or guest, the people,
not the food or drink, should
be your main focus.
7. Keep food or drink,
briefcases or files in your
left hand keep your right
hand free for handshakes.
8. Stamp and address thank
you notes in advance when you
know they will be needed, then
fill them out and drop them in
the mail after attending an
event or receiving a gift or
favor and you’ll be done.
9. Make eye contact and offer
a warm smile in every situation,
this sets people at ease.
10. Be perceptive survey a
situation and always use your
best judgment.
“Now, more than ever, people
need to live graciously,.
“Having good manners
is always in style.”
The Author
Denise Dinyon,
Courtesy of ARA Content.
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SECTION 10
THEATER
ETIQUETTE
TIPS
10 basic etiquette tips
for the theater:
1. To avoid being late, plan to arrive
30 minutes early. Sometimes unexpected
circumstances make it impossible to
arrive on time.
However, if you arrive late, you must
wait patiently until there is a break
in the act, performance, or symphony.
Do not argue with the ushers about
having to wait, they are just doing
their job.
Most theaters have a television screen
in the lobby showing the performance
while you wait.
2. Turn off cell phones, pagers, watch
alarms, and other electronic devices.
If you forgot to turn off your cell phone
and it goes off during the performance,
immediately turn it off, do not answer
the call.
You can always check for messages
during the intermission.
3. Do not talk, whisper, sing, or hum
during the performance.
4. Do not eat and drink during the
performance. It’s too distracting,
and out of consideration to the
actors and your neighbors, save
the snacking for intermission.
5. Unwrap cough suppressants during
applause, laughing, or loud musical
numbers.
6. Keep feet on the floor, not on the
seat or balcony in front of you.
7. At the end of the performance,
during curtain call, don't rush
for the exits.
It's very rude to the actors.
8. Performers appreciate enthusiastic
applause, but not whistling or shouting,
unless it is "Brava" or "Bravo".
This is not a rock concert.
9. If you bring your child to the theater,
prepare them beforehand by telling them
about theater manners.
Explain that they should be quiet, sit
still, and not disturb others around them.
If it is a serious play, tell them to
listen carefully and not laugh at the sad
parts or other inappropriate times.
They need to keep any negative comments
to themselves, until they get in the car
or home.
Actors have worked hard to prepare the
play, and it will hurt their feelings.
Have them use the restroom before
the performance begins.
If your child disturbs the audience,
take them to the lobby and watch it
on the television screen.
Some theaters prefer children under 4 not
attend, unless it is a youth symphony or
other children’s performance.
10. Do not use cameras or videotape
during the performance.
Other useful tips:
If you dine out before attending the
theater, use the restroom at the
restaurant as theater restrooms will
have long lines.
Normally, theater seats are staggered
so that no one is directly in front
of you.
However, if your view is totally blocked
by a tall person in front of you, get a
booster cushion for your chair, or ask
the usher to find you another seat before
the performance begins.
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SECTION 11
DINING
SKILLS
TIPS
Do avoid talking with food
in your mouth.
Do take small bites and you'll
find it's easier to answer
questions or join in table talk.
Do wait until you have swallowed
the food in your mouth before you
take a sip of your beverage.
Do remember solids (food) are
always on your left, liquids
(beverages) are on your right.
Do carry food to your mouth with
an inward, not an outward, curve
of the fork or spoon.
Do look into, not over, the cup
or glass when drinking.
Do butter only one bite of bread
at a time & butter bread on the
plate, never in midair.
Do remember your posture at the table.
Sit up straight and keep your arms
(including elbows) off the table.
Don't, in eating, overload the fork.
Don't, under any circumstances, put
the knife in the mouth.
Don't spread your elbows when cutting
meat. Keep them close to your sides
when eating.
Don't reach across the table or across
another person to get something, ask
for it to be passed.
Don't gesture with your utensils in
your hand.
Don't place used utensils on the table.
Cherry tomatoes are finger food execpt
when they are served in a salad, then
they are cut with a fork and knife.
Butter served wrapped...open and use
knife to push the square onto the
bread and butter plate...fold wrapper
butter side in and place on the edge
of the bread and butter plate...never
on the table cloth.
Reasons for different lengths of the stems
of glassware:
The longer stem of the wine glass prevents
the hand from warming the wine and changing
the temperture.
The shorter stem of the brandy glass enables
the hand to cup the bowl.
Water glasses are filled two thirds full.
Wine glasses are filled one half full.
If you are on the receiving end of a toast,
do not drink to yourself.
Just nod and smile your appreciation at the
end of the remarks.
Host toast his guest, takes a sip, then sits
down.
The guest (s) of honor returns the toast.
RSVP on an invitation should be honored.
Relax and enjoy the occasion, the meal
and most of all the company!
Lois Hearn
Etiquette Consultant
Chattanooga, TN.
Your Manners
http://www.yourmanners.com/
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SECTION 12
TEACHING
SOCIAL
SKILLS
Seating students together is not
enough to ensure teamwork.
Many kids have very little idea
how to interact appropriately
with their classmates.
They simply lack the social skills
needed to perform the most basic
cooperative tasks.
Lack of social skills is probably
the biggest factor contributing to
lack of academic success in teams.
Fortunately, social skills can be
taught just like academic skills.
If you use a systematic approach
like the one described below,
you'll find that your students
CAN learn how to interact
appropriately and become
productive team members.
1. Discuss the Need for
Social Skills.
Before you can help students
improve their social skills,
they need to understand why
these skills are important.
2. Select a Social Skill.
When teaching social skills,
it's best to focus on just
one skill at a time.
You can choose the skill, or
you can let your class decide
which skill they need to work
on first.
3. Teach the Skill.
This step is not as obvious
as it might seem.
It's not enough to say, Be nice!
You have to help students identify
exactly what they need to do and
say in order to improve the
identified social skill.
4. Practice the Skill.
After you discuss what the skill
Looks Like and Sounds Like, you
need to provide an immediate
opportunity for practicing the
skill.
5. Pause and Reflect.
Sometime during the structured
practice activity, use your
quiet signal to stop the class.
6. Review and Reflect.
At the end of the activity,
reflect again on how well
the social skills were used.
How well was the social skill
being used on your team?
What specific examples do
you remember?
How did you personally use
the social skill?
What did you do and/or say?
To whom?
How might you improve in using
this skill next time?
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SECTION 13
PRINCIPLES
Your character is defined by
what you do, not what you say
or believe.
Every choice you make helps
define the kind of person
you are choosing to be.
Good character requires doing
the right thing, even when it
is costly or risky.
You don't have to take the
worst behavior of others as
a standard for yourself.
You can choose to be better
than that.
What you do matters, and one
person can make a big
difference.
The payoff for having good
character is that it makes
you a better person and it
makes the world a better
place.
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SECTION 14
SOCIAL
SKILLS
ETIQUETTE
LINKS
The American School
of Protocol
http://www.theamericanschoolofprotocol.com/
Cuisine Net
http://www.cuisinenet.com/
The Emily Post Institute
http://www.emilypost.com/
E-mail Etiquette
http://www.onlinenetiquette.com/
Drs. Dave & Dee's
Free Advice Site
http://www.drdaveanddee.com/
Jacqueline Whitmore
http://www.etiquetteexpert.com/
Life Script.com
http://www.lifescript.com/
Manners International
http://www.mannersinternational.com/
Parenting
http://www.parenting.com/
Rude Busters
http://www.rudebusters.com/
The World-Wide Sushi
Restaurant Reference
http://www.sushiref.com/
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